Remembering the Slave Trade, Honouring Resistance
Today, on the International Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade and its Abolition, we pause to remember one of history’s greatest crimes against humanity. The transatlantic slave trade uprooted millions, scattering them across the Atlantic through systems of violence that treated human beings as property, as cargo, as disposable. Yet even in the darkest of conditions, resistance endured.
Remembrance is not simply about mourning the past. It is about recognising the persistence of its legacies today and honouring the acts of survival, rebellion, and creativity that enslaved people carried forward.
Between the sixteenth and nineteenth centuries, over twelve million Africans were forcibly transported across the Atlantic. Millions more died before even boarding the ships captured in raids, lost on forced marches, or perishing in coastal forts.
The Middle Passage has become a symbol of this horror. Human beings were chained in the holds of ships, packed so tightly that movement was impossible. Disease swept through the vessels, killing many before they reached shore. Dysentery, smallpox, and starvation were rampant. Insurance claims reveal the chilling truth: enslaved Africans were thrown overboard so traders could claim compensation for “lost cargo.”
This was not just an economic system. It was an assault on humanity itself. Sylvia Wynter (2003) reminds us that the modern category of “Man” was constructed by designating others as less than human. The slave trade was one of the primary sites where this division was made material.
And yet, the enslaved were never merely passive victims. Resistance began long before the ships reached the Americas. Some mutinied on board, seizing control of vessels or forcing captains to turn back. Others resisted by refusing food, or by jumping into the sea rather than live in chains.
Everyday acts of survival were also resistance. To sing in one’s own language, to whisper prayers, to keep cultural knowledge alive, to braid seeds into one’s hair before boarding all of these were ways of refusing total domination.
In Jamaica, resistance took organised form through the Maroons: communities of escaped Africans who built independent settlements in the mountains. Throughout the eighteenth century, the Maroons fought repeated wars against the British, defending their autonomy and forging treaties that recognised their freedom.
The island also saw large-scale uprisings. Tacky’s Rebellion (1760) brought together hundreds of enslaved people, shaking the colony and terrifying planters. Later, the Sam Sharpe Rebellion (1831–32) mobilised as many as 60,000 enslaved Jamaicans. Though brutally suppressed, it played a decisive role in pushing Britain toward abolition.
Across the Americas, uprisings were constant. The most famous remains the Haitian Revolution (1791–1804), which created the first Black republic and the only successful state founded by formerly enslaved people. C. L. R. James (1938) argued that Haiti forced Europe to confront its own hypocrisies the so-called universal rights of man were made real only by those who had been denied them.
These examples remind us that abolition was not gifted by benevolent reformers. It was fought for, demanded, and won through the courage and sacrifice of the enslaved themselves.
Slavery’s violence was not only physical; it was also an assault on memory. Names were stripped, kinship ties severed, languages suppressed. To erase the past was to control the future.
Today, erasure continues in different forms. Statues still stand for traders and planters, while the names of the enslaved remain unrecorded. School curriculums often reduce slavery to a footnote, focusing more on white abolitionists than on the enslaved people who resisted.
Hartman (2008) describes slavery’s afterlife: systemic racism, premature death, incarceration, and the ongoing disposability of Black life. Gilroy (1993) shows that the same trade also created the Black Atlantic a diasporic culture of music, thought, and survival that continues to shape the world.
To remember slavery is to confront this tension: it was both an attempt at annihilation and a site of extraordinary creativity and resistance.
The past is not over. Its structures remain.
Mbembe (2003) writes of necropolitics — the power to decide who lives and who dies. Under slavery, Black life was extracted as labour and discarded when no longer profitable. Today, the logic persists in mass incarceration, in migration detention centres, in health inequalities that leave Black communities disproportionately exposed to premature death.
Sharpe (2016) reminds us that we live “in the wake” of slavery. This wake is not a simple shadow of the past but a turbulent sea, constantly shaping how we live and move.
hooks (1989) warns against romanticising resistance. Rebellion was not easy or inevitable; it was costly, brutal, and often met with unimaginable violence. Yet to deny resistance is to deny humanity itself. Remembering means holding both truths together: the horror of domination and the insistence of survival.
What Remembrance Requires
Remembrance must be active. It cannot be reduced to annual rituals or empty words. It asks us to act.
Educate fully: Teach the history of slavery without euphemism. Go beyond stories of white abolitionists to centre the voices of the enslaved.
Acknowledge resistance: From Jamaican Maroons to the Haitian Revolution, we must remember that abolition was fought for, not handed down.
Repair: Reparations matter not only financial but symbolic, through investment in communities, the return of stolen artefacts, and dismantling systems that perpetuate racial injustice.
Transform: Inclusion without accessibility, or diversity without justice, is not enough. To remember slavery is to work for the abolition of racism, exploitation, and exclusion in all their forms.
To remember is to resist forgetting.
The transatlantic slave trade reshaped the modern world. Its scars remain in our economies, our institutions, our daily lives. But from that violence came resistance, resilience, and visions of freedom that continue to inspire.
When we speak of remembrance, let us not only grieve. Let us also honour the courage of those who fought and let us commit ourselves to finishing their work.
Abolition is not past tense. It is present and future.
#RemembranceDay #NeverForget #SlaveryAbolition #Justice
Happy Africa Day
Happy Africa Day!
An interesting poem from one of Africa's sons - David Diop
Africa my Africa Africa of proud warriors in ancestral savannahs Africa of whom my grandmother sings On the banks of the distant river I have never known you But your blood flows in my veins Your beautiful black blood that irrigates the fields The blood of your sweat The sweat of your work The work of your slavery Africa, tell me Africa Is this your back that is unbent This back that never breaks under the weight of humiliation This back trembling with red scars And saying no to the whip under the midday sun But a grave voice answers me Impetuous child that tree, young and strong That tree over there Splendidly alone amidst white and faded flowers That is your Africa springing up anew springing up patiently, obstinately Whose fruit bit by bit acquires The bitter taste of liberty.
Food for thought!
Men and Cheating!
Have you ever wondered why men cheat?
It’s in His Genes
Men have higher levels of testosterone. This hormone, which also causes risky behavior and increased levels of violence in men, “influences” guys to cheat .Now, this isn’t an excuse – don’t try telling your girlfriend or wife that it was the testosterone that made you do it – it’s just a scientific fact that makes it harder for men to keep their hands to themselves. Essentially, it shouldn’t take a lot of willpower for men to stay loyal; it isn’t like the testosterone is whispering, “Sleep with the cute blonde girl now!” Rather, this hormone only acts as a fuel – the man holds the keys.
He Needs Sexual Fulfilment
Many men turn to infidelity when they aren’t being fulfilled in the bedroom Sure, it sounds like a pretty shallow reason for seeking another woman’s company, but sex (or lack thereof) can be a deal breaker for many men. Maintaining a healthy sex life is an integral part of any relationship, and it can definitely keep a man’s eyes from wandering. But, once again, it’s important to keep in mind that going a few days or weeks without any sex is not an excuse to go cheat on your woman.
He Needs an Ego Boost
Men like feeling powerful and in control, and it’s possible that they feel empowered when they have multiple sexual partners. Most guys also like feeling accomplished and successful, and they’re more inclined to start a romance with women who give them confidence. This might explain why 40% of men find their “cheating partners” at work. Regardless, this ego boost can encourage men to continue with their sexual indiscretion. Now, it takes a pretty insecure man to be unfaithful just because it helps his confidence; self-assurance should be gained from within. ...
He Doesn’t Love Her
This is the true, underlying cause for many cases of infidelity. If you aren’t really feeling the spark, then why are you together? Love is the glue that holds the relationship together. Without it, there isn’t much keeping men (and women) from doing things that may harm one another. The respect, faithfulness, and honesty that come with love may disappear when trust is broken, but if the love was never present (or if it has faded away) then men are more likely to cheat without remorse. For the sake of the relationship, it’s important to make sure that both people are feeling the love before they decide to get serious.
He’s doing it for Revenge
Maybe his girlfriend or wife cheated on him, and the only way he can get over it is to do the same thing she did to him…it’s missing a bit of logic, but it’s a plausible scenario. After all, some men just aren’t very good at expressing their feelings. Of course, the first step would be to communicate with his unfaithful partner.
Regardless of the reasons listed above, cheating isn’t likely to solve any of the underlying problems in a relationship. Along with that, cheating goes against the fundamental trust required of any fulfilling relationship. When sexual indiscretion takes place, the relationship takes a huge hit to the core, sometimes destroying the trust, honesty, and love that were once intrinsic to it. So, if you find yourself considering cheating, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship – not just for your own sake, but also for the sake of your partner.
Talk to your partner!
Things not to wear for work
Just some tips for work. Ladies what do you think?
1. Leggings
Tights, leggings, whatever you call them – don’t wear them to work. Actually, unless you’re going to gym or covering up your nether regions with a long enough dress, don’t ever wear leggings as pants.
It doesn’t matter how skinny you are – no one wants to see your bum cheeks or the occasional camel toe. This is such a major no no!
Rather try: Jeggings. More jean, less legging. But it shouldn’t look like pantyhose.
2. Plakkies
You’re not at the beach and there’s really no need to flip flop around the office. You’ll end up looking sloppy and unprofessional.
Rather try: Pretty embellished sandals
3. Shorts
Yes, I know it might be hot but like I mentioned above, this isn’t the beach. You are not on holiday. You’re in an office and you need to look professional – even if the vibe is laid back.
Rather try: A maxi dress. You’ll still feel summery, but without looking like a lady of the night.
4. See-through shirts
Sheer shirts might be all the hype right now, but showing off your lacey bra to everyone at work is not a good idea. So, instead of exposing Victoria’s Secret, rather wear a simple strappy top underneath and trust me, you’ll still look pretty!
Rather try: Layers. It’s easy: Bra – strappy top – then sheer shirt.
5. Cleavage
Yes, you heard me – don’t wear your cleavage to work. Leave those puppies at home, or at least, tuck them away till after 17:30.
Rather try: Balance. Wear a statement neckpiece or a beautifully patterned top. You can be sexy without being slutty.
Relationships: Things that might sabotage them
There are some things that will sabotage or damage any relationship, regardless of how well you might think things are going.
So, how is your relationship going? Coasting along, or are you skirting in between the landmines? These are seven things that will sabotage any relationship.
Jealousy. Possessiveness and jealousy on your part will only make your partner feel trapped. This could lead to them wanting to get away from you, because you make them feel claustrophobic. Ironically the single thing you wanted to prevent.
Sexual problems. If you are having sexual problems, and are unable to talk about them, or get it together to go for professional help, alarm bells should be ringing. Different people have different sexual needs, so once a week may be quite sufficient for one partner, but not for the other.
Old issues. Long shadows from the past can cast a pall over present relationships. If you have abandonment issues, self-image issues, self-worth issues, drug issues, dependency issues or endless financial issues, it is unrealistic to expect them not to have an impact on the relationship you are currently having.
Financial woes. Financial worry is part and parcel of life – few couples never have these. But constant agonising about money, running up of debts and misspending can cause a lot of tension in any relationship. When couples are unable to synchronise their spending habits or their financial values, trouble looms.
Parenting styles. Parents need to present a united front to their children. If one parent allows the kids to do things and the other forbids it, it causes confusion for the children and stress in relationships. When children are stepchildren, this becomes even more important. Parents need to decide on certain ground rules and stick to them.
In-law troubles. When parents are unhappy with your choice of spouse, or parents are unwilling to let go of their child and let him/her start a new life, it causes great trouble for the couple. There is ongoing stress and family dramas and everyone feels they are being pulled in different directions.
Old flames. Sometimes there are old boyfriends or girlfriends who just won't back off. This can cause endless dramas and jealous fits. If it really upsets your partner that you see an old flame, weigh up the different issues here. Is a cup of tea with an old boyfriend really worth an unpleasant atmosphere at home for days? On the other hand, does your partner perhaps have a reason to feel insecure.
Careful what you do
THow to deal with annoying Colleagues
Some of us are lucky; we work with great people whom we truly consider as family. Some of us, however, are not so lucky. This article is for them.
So you work with someone who constantly grates your nerves but you aren’t sure how to approach the matter? Don’t worry; you’re not alone, this happens to most of us at some time or another in our career.
One good thing to remember is that the colleague irritating you may not even be aware of his or her behaviour. Constant chatting, gossiping, rudeness, incessant pen clicking, coffee slurping – all highly irritating habits that, depending on our mood, can either be tolerable or absolutely maddening.
But how do you get them to stop? I hear you asking…
Try out these simple tips – you might be surprised at the response.
1. Just say it, but say it nicely.
Tell your colleague exactly what it is they do that’s driving you up the wall, but tell them nicely – if it’s something simple like pen clicking the chances are that they aren’t even aware of their annoying behaviour.
If the annoying behaviour is more like gossiping, let your colleague know how you feel about it and that you don’t want to be a part of it, bringing up the issue is usually enough to stop it.
2. Extend a hand in friendship.
Sometimes making a concerted effort to be nice to a problem colleague can see them doing a complete turnaround in how they treat you. If the annoying behaviour is aimed at you, simply getting to know the person a bit more can help you both to understand each other.
3. Keep things in perspective.
If your colleagues are in the habit of stopping by your desk to gossip or chat, and this socialising is getting in the way of your productivity, you will need to let your co-workers know that you have priorities. Arrange to chat after hours or during your lunch break, but be clear about your boundaries while working.
4. Fight fire with fire, but carefully.
If the problems you’re having involve a co-worker being rude to you or constantly shooting down your ideas, repeat the behaviour back to them, but explain afterwards why you were dismissive or rude and let them know how it makes you feel when they do the same to you.
Be careful to not overstep here, if you need to take the matter further you don’t want your colleague to be able to say you’ve been doing the same things.
5. Report the problem co-worker.
When you are unable to resolve the conflict between yourself and your colleague alone, it might be time to take further action.
If the actions of a co-worker are hindering your ability to work, or making your job unpleasant, you may have to report the individual to management and allow the matter to follow the prescribed procedure – but this should only be done as a last resort.
The Curse of living in diaspora
Certain people would think I am crazy to be washing some of Africa’s dirty linens in public, and yes I am doing exactly that. It’s the begging mentality. Don’t shoot the messenger. I have been asked to write about this and as an author, I can never resist. I have always been admired people who work. One man for himself, and God for all is what I think has made some countries develop especially in Europe. That works well but also the state carry the burden. In these countries those who work do work and very hard, yet there is a percentage that sits on their back side for the state benefit system. The benefit system was from my understanding introduced so people can have some help while they are in between jobs or when they suddenly found themselves out of work. However because of the greedy nature of human beings everywhere, some people actually decide not to work and become benefit scroungers. Don’t get me wrong, there are some genuinely fighting hard to get back to work.
In some of the African cultures including mine, children are expected to look after the parents in old age. I don’t have a problem with that. The problem is when adults who can work sit on their backside in Africa, waiting for the relations in the diaspora to send the hard earned pounds/dollar/euro every month. It might not be hard earned money but the point is we all have a responsibility to look after ourselves. Some people have been known to resign from ‘’low paying jobs’’ in Africa because a cousin in the UK or Canada can help them. This kind of behaviour is the root of all evil in my opinion.
My article is not about about Europe though but readers think of the similarities. Most Africans would agree with me that we have always looked after each other‘s back- families and even the extended families. Nothing wrong with that but all of a sudden those who moved abroad found themselves in this difficult situation. Here is how those left home think:
· There is so much money in the diaspora -ALWAYS.
· You have to help them even when you say you have no money
· They are suffering back home and they must be helped
· If you say NO to their demands, it’s not because you don’t have but you are just being mean
· There are so many opportunities abroad and you can’t be out of work at any point
· So and so bought their brother/sister a house so why don’t you buy one for me?
· You have been in the diaspora this long but you have nothing?(forgetting you were busy paying fees and helping out everyone)
· Money and more money
· People are always partying here, so let’s all share
· Economic situations like recession only affect Africa, not Europe
The list is endless but it’s all about GIVE, GIVE, GIVE. To make it worse sometimes you are lucky to get a thank you even after sacrificing for them. These people do not scrounge the state, but their relatives who are working hard to sustain themselves and their family where ever they live. Even so, some people lie in order to extort money from their families abroad. There has been an increased report of relative who had actually stopped working and expect their families in the diaspora to pay their bills. Helping is good and it feels good to help somebody. Is it helping if it becomes a burden on the other person?
Here is the truth:
· People in diaspora have got bills, University fees, mortgages etc to pay
· People are working odd shifts in order to make ends meet
· People are making sacrifices in order to send money to relations back home
· Some people back in Africa live a worry free life because they know all their needs are taken care by relations in diaspora
· When people want money they manipulate your and lie in order to make you give them more money.
· People here have no social life as they are working most of the time to feed these demands.
(The list is endless- Most African people in diaspora would know what I am talking about)
Do they have to do this? Yes, we have always been taught to look after our own? And yet, this has now ceased to be helping but being scrounged by our own.
Don’t get me wrong, I have done my research and I have spoken to people from Kenya, Zimbabwe, Botswana and many others and it’s the same story- working for the whole clan. What has made some of our people so lazy? Surely it should be every able bodied man’s responsibility to look after themselves rather than all the time expect hand outs from other people. Mind you in Africa it’s not the state that is scrounged, it’s those living and working in diaspora
I did ask those I spoke to what they thought went wrong?
I was told those of us abroad have made it difficult for ourselves. Here is how we helped dig our graves
· Having left home for greener pastures or whatever reason, we have to prove to friends and relations that we made the right decision.
How do we prove this? - By claiming to have a life we do not actually have, talking money that we do not have.
· Not telling people the truth
· Pride
· Just being able to say No and mean it.
The problem is once you start giving it’s hard to wean these parasites. They want more and more and more. You always feel guilty and sometimes you get so much pressure from other relations and may be in the end give.
My view - Nothing wrong with helping when you have got enough but doing this every month, being lied to and being asked to support projects that do not exist, I would call this being manipulated.
Thanks to those who agreed to talk to me on this issue.
And here is to a great love relationship….
It takes effort for relationships to work and stay intact. Here are a few tips.
Use your head, not just your heart, when picking a man and look at the whole package before making your choice.
Know the difference between lust and love – it will save you a lot of heartache.
Learn to voice your desires: Your partner isn't psychic and he can't make you happy unless you let him know what fulfills you.
Work at your relationship: A close bond is forged through hard work and constant attention; it's not automatic.
Don't let yourself go: You don't have to bring sexy back but being clean and presentable goes a long way.
Understand that your feelings may change over time: you won't stay drunk with joy forever but that doesn't mean you don't love each other.
There is a difference between sex and intimacy: Sex is one avenue to intimacy. Intimacy involves talking and revealing every facet of yourself – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Communicate, communicate, communicate! Talking about everything is the only way you'll deal with problems, maintain intimacy and know if you're on the same wavelength.
Understand that you're a unit, but you're both also individuals and your partner is not responsible for your personal happiness – you are. Have a life outside your relationship.
Learn to apologise – even if you don't always say "sorry", making up after an argument is crucial
Make up mistakes not to make
Mistake 1: too much make-up
Applying too much foundation and mascara are common mistakes. Foundation must never give the impression you are wearing a mask – too much can also emphasise fine lines and wrinkles. Too much mascara can look unnatural and become messy by the end of the day.
Solution: Invest in a good foundation or concealer and apply only where necessary. Give your eyes and lips a natural look by day, and ensure that your mascara doesn't leave clumps.
Mistake 2: not blending make-up properly
When it comes to eye shadow, the rainbow effect is taboo, as are hard lines around the eyes and lips. If you try to create 'contours ' with bronzer or blusher, or try to emphasise your cheekbones in this way, chances are the result will be a grubby- looking face.
Solution: Take a critical look at your made-up face: Are any lines visible? If so, blend them for a softer effect. Avoid liquid eyeliner unless you are able to apply it extremely neatly. Alternatively, use a small, stubby brush to apply eye shadow instead of eyeliner for a softer effect. When applying blusher, concentrate on the apples of your cheeks – the colour will emphasise the rounded part of your cheek and naturally accentuate the hollow beneath it.
Mistake 3: neglected teeth
Your smile is often the first thing that people notice on meeting you. Teeth that are well cared for are not only healthy but will take years off your appearance.
Solution: Floss and brush regularly, and have broken or chipped teeth attended to. If your teeth have yellowed, consult your dentist about whitening them
Mistake 4: unkempt or over-plucked eyebrows
Eyebrow fashions change as often as hemlines do – don’t follow the latest eyebrow fashions slavishly. Never pluck your eyebrows too heavily – sometimes they don’t grow back or they grow back in all directions.
Solution: Maintain eyebrows of fair thickness and pluck in a neat, natural line. Fill any gaps with brown eye shadow and a fine brush, but ensure that there are no obvious lines.
Mistake 5: make-up that is too bright
Brightly coloured eye make-up and mascara may be the height of fashion but is not intended for everyday use, because it looks hard and unnatural. It can also make you look older. Forget about the old-fashioned idea of matching your eye shadow with your eye colour. Shades of bronze and brown flatter all eye colours.
Solution: Leave the bright-blue eye shadow, eyeliner and mascara to the teenagers and rather go for neutral brown, grey-brown, beige and bronze, which always look more stylish. Experiment with different shades of lipstick, but avoid colours such as shocking pink and make sure that the shade suits your complexion.
Mistake 6: lip liner competing with lipstick
This is probably one of the commonest make-up mistakes: too-dark lip liner contrasting with lighter-coloured lipstick. Lip liner has many advantages – it prevents lipstick from 'bleeding ' and helps it last longer – but it must be applied correctly.
Solution: Choose lip liner in the same shade as your lipstick – especially if it is a dark colour. Otherwise, choose one that is one or two shades darker than your natural lip colour. Apply it over the entire lip area before applying lipstick or gloss, as this will prevent you ending the day with a line around your mouth.
Mistake 7: end-of-the-day make-up
Check your eye shadow regularly. Because of the natural oils protecting the eye area, shadow tends to smudge, especially if it is cream-based. Foundation can also appear streaky during the day as a result of an oily T-panel or perspiration.
Solution: Apply foundation to the eye area followed by powder to set it before applying powder eye shadow. Restrict cream shadow to the eyebrow area. Set foundation with loose powder.
Mistake 8: neglected hands and feet
Well-cared-for hands and feet neatly round off your appearance and, with little expense and effort, are within everyone's reach. Neglected hands and nails, or cracked heels can ruin your entire appearance.
Solution: Apply hand cream regularly – keep a tube in your handbag and at every tap in your home. Prevent cracked heels by regularly applying moisturising cream to your feet and buffing hardened skin. Give regular attention to your fingernails and toenails, or have a regular manicure and pedicure.
Mistake 9: no hairstyle
A hastily tied ponytail, hair clipped to the top or sides of your head, or scraped back with an elasticised headband are temporary solutions for a visit to the gym or for working in the garden, but cannot be called a hairstyle.
Solution: Visit the hairdresser at least every two months for a good haircut – it can transform your appearance and crown a well-groomed face and body.
Look after yourself!
Procrastination: Are you guilty as Charged?
Procrastination is a way of delaying the inevitable - a way of avoiding reality. It's our way of putting off a task that should be actioned in the present moment into the future - a future that is bound to happen whether we would like it to or not.
When we procrastinate, we know we should be doing something but yet we keep doing something else instead... things we feel we would "enjoy" more now.
We tend to procrastinate on the tasks that we perceive to bring us less joy in the present moment and the irony of this is that it could very well be that one thing that could eventually bring us the most joy - when all we had to do was put in the effort!
Procrastination can bring feelings of regret, so why put off that task you know needs doing so that you can have peace of mind? Do you not feel better about your circumstances when you have knowingly put in effort and have been productive?
We have all been slaves to procrastination at one time or another and it can be a real effort to pick ourselves up and start taking action.
With that said, here are some of my favourite ways to do just that, and I sure do hope you can find some inspiration here too:
1. Change your environment.
Sometimes certain environments can trigger feelings we have associated with it - typically based on past events and actions. So, for example, if you know that when you park your behind on the couch to eat your breakfast that you will become a couch potato because you know you would just end up watching TV all day - by all means, do not put yourself there!
Change things up - physically take yourself out of that situation you created and go have your breakfast at the kitchen counter, dinner table, or outside on the patio, and when you do - just have your breakfast, and do it mindfully.
2. Create a to do list with small deadlines.
If you feel overwhelmed with everything you have to do - write it down! Make a list of tasks and cross them off one by one as you action them.
There is something very satisfying about physically crossing items off a list. There is also a lot of writing out there that tell you to "eat the frog for breakfast" - to get the biggest tasks out of the way first so you can enjoy the rest of your day.
Remember to put a deadline on your tasks, be it in minutes, hours, days, weeks or months. Be as specific as possible and that way you will have something to work towards.
3. Realize the task is a lot simpler than you make it out to be.
When you break it down into smaller, more doable tasks, you will realize you have been putting it off for no reason. Say, for instance, you would like to write a book.
Writing a book a big task and can take months before it will be completed! If you don't break it down into bite-sized chunks, or create smaller doable deliverables over a period of time, it could end up becoming something you'd never get done all because it all seemed so overwhelming!
Create step by step tasks, with specific deadlines attached to each and follow through.
4. Reward yourself.
Whenever you complete your tasks by the allotted deadlines, reward yourself! But remember not to let the "rewarding" process end up becoming your procrastination process. Decide which tasks will require a reward and what the reward will be, and stick to it. Straying from it could make you end up veering away from the actual goal.
5. Surround yourself with people who inspire you to take action.
There's a saying that states that you become who you hang out with. So be sure to surround yourself with those that support you, those that are a living success of the goals you are trying to achieve.
Those that can give you the advice and the push you need in order to get what you want.
Use various mediums to find these people, whether they're part of a social group you belong to or even online!
6. Tell others about your goals.
When you tell others about your goals, you're affirming them as well as holding yourself accountable for them. Get the word out there - share them with your family and friends, that way they will constantly ask you how your plans are going in working towards that goal.
It's a sure-fire to make yourself responsible for the actions you need to take in order to achieve it.
7. Get over yourself and just do it!
Wherever you are, make a conscious decision to pick yourself up and take action! Remember to keep the momentum going after completing tasks, as soon as you start slacking it will become an endless spiral and so you end up procrastinating again. Suck it up and just do what you need to do - you owe it to yourself.
Remember, procrastinating can make you go in circles and you could end up being stuck in a rut. You should consistently action tasks that help you to advance your life.
Follow these tips and you will be well on your way to achieving your goals and have everything you ever wanted in your life. You have the power to make it happen.
Are you Assertive Enough?
Being assertive in any job is vital. Imagine the shop owner unable to say no when asked for a discount. Or the admin clerk who ends up doing everyone’s copies at the printer. Or the shop assistant who keeps covering the shifts of one (or more) of their colleagues.
In each of these instances the effect of not being able to say ‘no’ is bound to have a detrimental knock-on effect in the individual’s work, be it a loss in revenue, falling behind on their deadlines or even experiencing a physical drain.
This is why learning to say ‘no’ is so important… Use the tips below to help you remain assertive when being asked a bit too much.
Know your limitations. Decide beforehand what is acceptable for you and what is not. If you are prepared to work someone else’s shift no more than twice a month, keep to this. In other words, stick to your guns.
Just say no. Instead of skirting around the issue and coming up with weak excuses, simply say: No, I am unable to do that. If the asker continues, repeat your phrase. Drop a word or two off of your phrase (e.g. No, I am unable), and if he or she continues, again drop a few words until you’re left with just ‘No’.
Anticipate responses. Think about what reaction you are likely to get and plan accordingly. Know the facts and be ready to quote them when necessary.
Stick to the issue, keep it impersonal. You’re not saying no because you don’t like the person, you’re saying no because you don’t have the time, or because you are being taken advantage of, or because you haven’t slept more than three hours a night for the past week. Therefore, keep the conversation on topic and don’t blow your top shouting about how you’re always being asked to do things and how no one ever even thanks you
Make yourself happy at work
We all get the Monday blues from time to time, but there are ways to improve your working life and be happy at work. If you're going through a rough patch at work or are lacking job satisfaction, check out these ways to boost your mood and have a happier work day.
Organise your working life
If your work day often leaves you feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it is time to calm things down by getting more organised. Firstly, make sure you arrive a few minutes early for work to give you time to organise your tasks for the day and get mentally prepared. Secondly, organise your space by clearing away any clutter and streamlining your workspace (this includes clearing your desk and deleting old emails). Finally, make a list of everything that you need to do that day in order of priority. If you can, try taking care of the more difficult things first to help take a weight off your mind.
Brighten up your desk
Research has shown that workers who have input into the design of their workspace are up to 40% happier than those who do not. While you may not have the authority (or inclination) to decorate or rearrange your whole office or work place, try brightening up your individual area by purchasing some nice stationery, putting up a photo of a happy occasion, a funny calendar or small piece of artwork, or getting a nice plant for your desk. A happy environment makes a happy worker!
Wear a mood-boosting outfit
While many of us are required to wear a uniform or adhere to a dress code for work, if you do have more freedom to dress as you wish, try opting for clothes or accessories that boost your mood. Whether you opt for a piece of jewellery that reminds you of a special memory, a colourful bag to brighten up your day, that confidence-boosting outfit, or even your favourite underwear beneath it all, adding something special to your worn-in work attire can really brighten your day and make you feel happy within yourself.
Add some variety to your working day
They say variety is the spice of life, and this is never truer than when it comes to your working day. Following the same routine day in, day out can quickly cause boredom and dissatisfaction to set in, so try making every day a little different in any way you can. Try doing routine tasks in a different order, talking to someone new or taking a different route to work (perhaps even using a different mode of transport, such as cycling, if you can). If you really can’t shake up your work day itself, instead try organising something fun and different to do on your lunch break every so often.
Get active in your lunch break
If your working day is getting you down, try giving yourself an instant happiness boost by squeezing some exercise into your lunch break. Exercise is good for boosting self-esteem and letting off stress, and it also releases chemicals in the brain such as endorphins and anandamide which can boost your mood and leave you feeling great. If you have shower facilities at work you could go for a lunchtime run. Alternatively, a brisk walk around the shops will get your heart rate up without working up a sweat.
Snack on ‘happy foods’
Got a tough day ahead? Then make sure you pack some healthy snacks for work to keep your spirits up and boost your mood. Certain nutrients in food can affect how we feel, so try stocking up on well-known happiness-inducing foods such as walnuts (for Omega-3 fatty acids), bananas (for serotonin-producing tryptophan and relaxing magnesium) and wholegrains (for mood-boosting B vitamins). Also, stick to low-GI foods for slow-release energy, as low blood sugar levels can lead to depression and fatigue.
Be positive and friendly towards your colleagues
Regardless of how you feel, try to adopt a positive and friendly attitude when talking to colleagues – yes, even the ones who get on your nerves! Try to resolve any conflicts, avoid office gossip, and treat everyone as you would like to be treated, and you may find that you get the same in return. Furthermore, research shows that the act of smiling can actually make you feel happier, so try to paste on a smile however you really feel – it may just boost your mood and your workplace happiness.
Appreciate the fact that you have a job
If you know that your job isn't the one for you but are stuck with it for now, try to make the best of what you've got. The job may not be permanent, but going to it every day with no sense of purpose (other than to get through to the end of the day) will quickly get you down. Try to identify a sense of purpose or positives of doing the job, whether it is noting that the position is getting you nearer to your dream job, helping others in some way, or giving you an opportunity to build on certain skills. If you think positive then your mood will naturally improve.
Gambling Addiction: Sounds Familiar?
Compulsive gambling starts out as recreational and slowly progresses to the point where it has serious consequences for both the gambler and their family. Just as with any other addiction, compulsive gambling is threefold in nature: mental, physical and spiritual, with its main symptom being that of denial and its major characteristic loss of control.
Availability and accessibility determine the number of people that will gamble. The greater the number of facilities, the greater the number of people who participate and therefore the greater number of people who are at risk of becoming compulsive gamblers.
Forms of gambling that cause problems
The two forms of gambling that cause problems and lead to loss of control are:
The opportunity to place a single large bet e.g. horse racing or casino.
The opportunity to place frequent small bets over relatively short periods e.g. fruit machines, where the interval between bets may be less than 20 seconds.
Characteristics of compulsive gambling:
Preoccupation: an overriding passion that dominates all aspects of life. The preoccupation transforms the gambler into a withdrawn and moody person. Loss of control: not being able to stop once he/she has started. Continuing despite the negative consequences. Predictors of compulsive gambling: The compulsion to chase losses. Repeated attempts to stop. Gambling in response to negative emotions such as stress and depression. Phases of compulsive gambling: Winning Losing Desperation
About 75% of compulsive gamblers report that they had a large win early in their gambling. This winning leads to fantasies about winning more and an attitude that gambling is a quick and easy way of earning additional income.
The losing phase is when the gambler unfortunately loses more than they can afford and then attempts to recover by "chasing losses" in the hope of winning back the money.
The desperation phase is when the gambler gets into the vicious cycle of occasionally winning, chasing losses and then suffering more losses. Irrational gambling begins, as does the downward spiral. The size and frequency of bets increase and bigger debts are accumulated until rock bottom is reached.
Who is at risk?
Research shows that people on low incomes and unemployed people are vulnerable. In this income category, problems emerge at a much earlier stage.
Young men between 16-30 playing fruit and slot machines and betting on horses are more at risk than their contemporaries purchasing lottery tickets.
Bingo, scratch cards and machines have more appeal for older women.
Impulsive people, which brings us back to availability and accessibility.
Effects on problem gamblers:
In general, gambling produces social and economic costs, poverty, starvation, family disintegration and criminal behaviour. The majority of people who gamble to excess develop psychological symptoms of depression and anxiety. Many of these people turn to alcohol and drugs as a means of temporarily escaping.
The physical and emotional health of the compulsive gambler starts to deteriorate as a result of constant preoccupation with financial problems. They become moody and irritable and often start arguments in order to leave the house and gamble.
Research shows that 75% of compulsive gamblers suffer from symptoms of major depression. The depression, coupled with an inability to find a solution, the fear of being discovered by their spouse, employer or police, exacerbated by alcohol abuse, can lead to ideas of suicide. Up to 60% of compulsive gamblers think about suicide and about 20% actually attempt it. Other feelings experienced are anxiety, anger, muscular tension, headaches, high blood pressure and fatigue.
The effects on employment are second only to the effects on the gambler’s family. Gamblers cannot function properly at their jobs, there is reduced productivity, absenteeism, lost opportunities for promotion, lack of initiative, attempts to borrow money from colleagues. Lying and deceit become a way of life.
Other behaviour includes:
Spending savings. Cashing in holiday/sick pay allowance. Drawing advances from credit card accounts. Taking high interest loans. Pawning jewellery and household goods. Accessing other family members’ bank accounts. Engaging in criminal activities.
How gambling impacts on the family:
The financial difficulties cause strain and friction. Partners often feel betrayed and angry, which in turn leads to loss of trust. There is confusion, worry, despair and fear. Arguments erupt and people cease to communicate. Lack of funds for family activities, abusive behaviour, hopelessness and helplessness often lead to separation and divorce. The partner suffers similar physical symptoms and often becomes sicker than the gambler. In this environment, children suffer neglect and fear. No wonder addiction is called a family illness.
Don’t be a new year’s Fool
Once the turkey sandwiches have all been finished and Santa Claus and his reindeer packed in a trunk until next year, the New Year celebrations lie ahead. Indeed a season to be jolly as well, but not too jolly – it could land you in the local trauma unit.
From cheers to tears. New Year celebrations are associated with merriment - and drinking lots of alcohol. 'Tis the season to be jolly after all. Watch what and how much you're drinking, as it could turn into the season to be sorry. You could start the New Year with a massive hangover, or even worse, be hospitalised with alcohol poisoning. You may be seeing in the New Year not with the woman of your dreams, but with Sister Mathilda, who looks as if she could be put to good use in a demolition yard. And she's heading for your bed with an injection.
Give me my keysh – it'sh my car. On New Year's Eve, many of the people who drive are less than sober. In fact, this is the night you would swear we've changed over to driving on the right side of the road. Try and avoid having to drive anywhere that night. Have a party at your house, or, if possible, sleep over where you are going. The roads are dangerous, other drivers could be dangerous and you could be a danger on the road if you've had one too many. Don't go there.
Baby let me light your fire. In the southern hemisphere, many people see in the New Year with a braai. Just remember that fires are dangerous and should be tended by someone who has had no more than two drinks. When Tom says, "Have I shown you my fanshy trick with matchesh?", stop him. This is not the time nor the place. In fact, why did you invite Uncle Tom after what he did last year at the party? Don't help the fire along with an inflammable liquid – you could come horribly short. Keep pets and children well away from the fire, and put it out once you have finished using it.
The Big Bang. Fireworks are beautiful and can be spectacular, but are not without their dangers. Only adults should set them off and then only in designated areas. There is a reason why you cannot launch purple rockets from you flat balcony or your backyard – they are a fire risk and can do some serious damage. And, please, if something doesn't detonate, give it at least 15 minutes before you investigate. Bending over a lit firework has cost many people an eye or landed them in the local ICU. If you do land in the ICU, let it be for something heroic, rather than something you'll be teased about for the next forty years.
Down she goes. Alcohol and water are a deadly combination. Post-midnight drunken bravado has seen many a soul disappear beneath the breakers on the beach. Swimming in the sea at night is not recommended. Pools can also be dangerous – if you can't swim when you're stone cold sober, you sure as hell can't swim when you've had several too many. And with everyone around you possibly being in a real party mood, it's surprising how long it could take before anyone realises that it's been a while since you planted slobbering kisses on any party guests. By which time you may already be down under.
From toothpick to beach ball. Having a good time is often synonymous with eating lots of festive fare – chips, snacks, plates of food piled high enough to cause a visual obstruction. There is nothing quite as certain to stop you from being the life and soul of the party, as a good bout of nausea and stomach cramps. And forget about that advertisement of the man who turns green after eating a mound of slap chips, takes the magic antidote and carries on partying. In your dreams. Eat, have fun, but stop when you're feeling full. A friend has seen in the New Year sitting all by himself in someone's guest toilet, with a bucket on his lap – and he says it was no fun. Take it from him.
September baby boom. Think about your friends. Think about how many birthday presents you have to buy in September. Do you think all these babies were carefully planned? No, their imminent arrival was initially probably as welcome as the January credit card statement. And what's more, an unwanted pregnancy is not the only possible unwelcome news these days after a jolly old romp in the hay with the one in the clown suit whose name you can't quite remember.
Enjoy!
Christmas Disasters
Most people have an idea what they'll be up to at Christmas. Will it be a traditional lunch on granny's farm, a picnic at the beach, a braai at your sister's house, a family roast dinner, or a TV dinner on your own?
Most families have some sort of get-together every year at this time. But think back to last year's do. Did you enjoy it? Or were your nephews and nieces impossible for most of the day – hysterical with excitement about their presents and on an incurable sugar-high? Did your father-in-law misbehave badly after having one too many? Did your sister spoil the day by criticising your brother's interior decorating skills?
Or that other Christmas favourite – old family battles that resurface. Old sibling rivalries, perceived injustices, family vs. in-laws – the possibilities are endless.
There are things you can do to make the Christmas lunch a lot more tolerable for everybody. And things you should definitely avoid. If anyone does any of the following things to you, let them make their own arrangements next year.
Family feud Freddy. Freddy just can't forget about the time their parents helped his sister out with money after she got divorced. Every family has a few age-old battles, or sibling rivalries that get hauled out and dusted off and reworked from a different angle. There is no such thing as a perfect family. Christmas is an emotionally charged time as it is, and the temptation is great to revisit some of these old battlegrounds. Just don't go there. It's not the time, or the place. And next year, you might be sitting at home, alone, with a TV dinner, watching reruns of corny Christmas movies.
Greedy Greta. Indulging and bulging, it's also called. Everyone eats too much at Christmas. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? But if you cater for ten people, and Greta eats half the food on the table, without having made much of a contribution, it's time to shorten your guest list for next year. Especially, if on top of everything, you have to listen to an hour-long complaint about the subsequent indigestion.
Know-it-all Neville. Most of his sentences start with, "Why don't you?" This irritating guest is a painful know-all. The only thing he doesn't seem to know is exactly how irritating he is to everyone else. If you wanted advice on interior decorating, building alterations, how you bring up your children, organise your life, and cooking, you would go and ask the professionals. If you had the money, that is. And after what this Christmas lunch has cost you, you definitely don't. If Neville is wandering around giving unsolicited advice, it might be an idea for him to start thinking of where he will be on Christmas day next year.
All-the-world's-stage Alex. This is the person who chooses to make dramatic announcements. The Golden Rule is that unless you're going to say something pleasant and funny, or you are paying a tribute to someone who is not there, don't make any grand announcements at Christmas lunch. This is not the time to tell the family that you're emigrating, or getting divorced, or whatever. All of that can wait. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, so don't spoil it for everyone else. Don't be selfish and hog the day with some news snippet about yourself.
Special-diet Sue. If you have complicated food requirements, let your host or hostess know in advance. People don't choose their allergies, or their medical conditions, but try to accommodate the hosts as well. Imagine how stressed anyone would be who had to cook a lunch while keeping a diabetic, a vegan, an allergy-sufferer and someone with high blood pressure in mind. It is extremely bad manners to sit down at the table and then announce that you can only eat the potato salad, or that you don't eat fish, or whatever. Even better, rather than have the hostess change the menu for everyone, bring your own food. That way you can have fun too.
Brandon the Brat. Children need to be entertained, especially if there are not many other children around. Bored children are naughty children, and before long, their misbehaviour could spoil the Christmas lunch for everybody. If the kids have something to do, once they've finished eating (a video, games outside, boardgames), they are far less likely to cause mayhem. Over-excited and over-exhausted children on a sugar-high, will spoil a Christmas lunch for everyone.
Empty-handed Elmore. Take, take, take. That's what it is about for this guy. When someone says, "Oh, you shouldn’t have", you definitely should have. If the event is being hosted by someone else, this person has been cooking and cleaning for days in order to get everything ready. A small present, such as a bunch of flowers, or a gift voucher for a massage, is definitely in order. Just think how much work it would have been if you had to do it all yourself. And maybe next year you should.
Loud Lottie. The Christmas lunch table is not the place to hold forth loudly and endlessly on a topic of your choice. Everyone should try to be pleasant and to blend in and not hold the floor endlessly. It's fine if someone is the life and soul of the party for a while, but not if no one else gets a word in edgeways. This is the one day on which no one feels like dealing with difficult people.
Lazy Leonard. It's better to say, "Let me do that", than to wait to be waited on hand and foot. Arrive early and leave late – there is a lot to do, especially if furniture has to be moved, tables set, decorations put up and food served. Not to speak of endless dishes that need to be done afterwards. A helping hand is the best present you can give your host or hostess. It's also a very good way of ensuring a repeat invitation. If you sit around like you're in a restaurant ordering a waitress about, that may be exactly what you will be doing next year for Christmas lunch.
Fighting-fit Francesca. Sex, politics, religion – topics to be avoided at times like these, but Francesca jumps right in. Around most Christmas lunch tables you could find a very wide range of ages – from 8 to eighty. And a very wide range of opinions. This is not the time to try and convert people to your specific brand of religion, tell them about your love life, or climb into local politicians. Your chances of offending someone are high. Avoid all sentences beginning with: " At my church…", "All men are…" and "This government…" Even if you're saying nice things, you could provoke a vicious debate. This is supposed to be the time of love and caring. Maybe the best present you can give your family is to keep your mouth shut.
Puffing Peter. This guy doesn't check to see if there are ashtrays before lighting up. These hosts may be non-smokers or people who don't smoke indoors. Or even outdoors, if there are children. Don't spoil the day for everyone. If you have to smoke, go and do it where it won't offend anyone. Or even better, wait till you're back in your own car or home.
Cash Chris. This is the guest who talks about money incessantly. He forgets that this is a time of peace, or it should be. People are on holiday, and are supposed to be relaxed, and should try to forget about work and money and other worries. How much money you have, and how you made it, is simply not a topic for the Christmas table. Or even worse, how little you have and wondering where you're going to borrow it.
Boozing Belinda. OK, it's Christmas, and a drink or even two is definitely in order – that is if you're not driving. But, while everyone likes their guests to be jolly, no one likes having a drunk around the Christmas lunch table. Belinda is the sort of guest who will have three too many, because she's not paying for it. But next year she will be.
Wishing you all a merry Christmas and a prosperous 2013!
Child Abuse: Are your Children Safe?
Child Abuse
Child abuse is defined as the wilful and unjustifiable infliction of pain and suffering on children. It can take many different forms. These not only include sexual and physical abuse, but also emotional abuse and neglect.
There are five documented types of child abuse:
Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is a chronic pattern of behaviour such as belittling, humiliating and ridiculing a child. It is also the consistent failure of parents or caretakers to provide a child with appropriate support, attention and affection.
Emotional neglect
Emotional neglect is the consistent failure of parents or caretakers to provide a child with appropriate support, attention and affection.
Physical neglect
Physical neglect is the failure to provide children with adequate food, clothing, shelter and medical care. Physical neglect also includes abandonment, expulsion from home and failure to enrol children in school. It is important to distinguish between wilful neglect and a parent’s failure to provide the necessities of life because of poverty and cultural norms.
Physical abuse
Physical abuse is defined as acts of physical assault by parents, caretakers or strangers. Physical abuse includes: cuts, fractures, bruises, shaking, burns and internal injuries.
Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse is defined as acts of sexual assault and sexual exploitation of minors by parents, caregivers or strangers. It may consist of a single incident or many incidents over a long period of time. It includes fondling a child’s genitals, intercourse, incest, rape, sodomy exhibitionism and sexual exploitation.
Facts
Child sexual abuse is not just rape. It includes fondling, voyeurism, and exposure to and participation in child pornography and child prostitution.
All cases of the rape of young children involve force. It can involve the perpetrator hitting, hurting, smothering or threatening the child while forcing penetration. Usually, the younger the child, the more serious the physical injury.
Sexual abuse and harassment are major problems in South African schools. One of the important causes of this problem is a strong societal belief that women are subordinate to men. This increases the risk of sexual domination by men in the home, school and community. To reduce sexual violence in schools, a culture of respect for students, clear rules and clear consequences for perpetrators needs to be instilled.
Having to think about abuse of children is one of the worst things ever to happen to any parent, but it happens.
The majority of sexual abusers are male, but perpetrators can also be women. The scary truth is that abusers are often friends, acquaintances and even family members.
Physical Signs:
Any injury, soreness, redness, swelling or itching around the genital or anal area Venereal disease Fluctuations in body mass Pregnancy
Behavioral Signs:
Inappropriate sexual play with self and others Inappropriate sexually explicit drawings Knowledge of sexual acts that is age-inappropriate Seductive behaviour Excessive masturbation Double dressing Avoidance of bathrooms Late arrival or absence from school Personality changes Change in appetite Sudden weight gain/loss Self mutilation Inability to concentrate Locking doors Very eager to please others (over-compliance) Depression Suicidal tendencies Nightmares Not wanting friends to visit at home Not wanting to go home or getting home too early Promiscuity Prostitution Running away
It is important to note that children who have been sexually abused may or may not exhibit signs and symptoms of the abuse. A child may also show one or more of the signs or symptoms listed, but may not have been sexually abused. If you are unsure, consult a professional.
Some signs of physical abuse
Physical Signs:
Unexplained bruises or marks Unexplained burns Fractures Lacerations (cuts) Abdominal injuries Bite marks Bruises on the head Unbelievable explanations for injuries
Behavioural Signs:
Child is nervous of physical contact with adults Child cries when it is time to leave a protected environment Absence from school Double dressing Habit disorders Slowing down in intellectual and emotional development
Abuse of children take place anywhere in the world and if you suspect someone is being abused, please notify the responsible authorities. Say No to Child Abuse!